I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize