her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
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