Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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