I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Randomize
