Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
