look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Randomize
