My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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