either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
