tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
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He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
