Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize