I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
