Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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