something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
