My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
