he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
