i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
