Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
