You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
