STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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