why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
