Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
