I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
organizing the empties. That sober.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
PANTIES FOUND
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