My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
