I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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