I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
