I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
We left the knife in your bed.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
