I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
