come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Randomize
