So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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