just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
