just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
and you fell through a lawn chair
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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