She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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