Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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