So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
