My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
