In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize