So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
