What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize