Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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