She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
