It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
