I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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