I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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