just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
