Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Randomize
