So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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