So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
