this beer tastes like vomit already
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
