the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i love accidental penises.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
