yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize