Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Randomize
