we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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