i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
