Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
