stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
