Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
