Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
there is glitter all over my balls
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