Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
