this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
