i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
