I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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