wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
