I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
