I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Randomize
