So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
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