Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
The convent might be a nice break from real life
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
