yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
