ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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