you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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