I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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