we're blogging at a bar
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
