i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
