the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I touched a dick in church today
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
