i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Randomize
