true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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