Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
