zippers are such a cool invention
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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