Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
