if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
