I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
