actually, I'm a sock model
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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