I CAN MOONWALK!
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
