we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
