i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
