Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
