Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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