Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
