I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
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