Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize