Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
