bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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