before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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