I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
