Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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