You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
