I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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