note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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