I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
