alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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