You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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