i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
