i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
