Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
