I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
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