You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
