my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
