ugly people sure do ruin things
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
