So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
