dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
