Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
